What are you scared of?
Losing your job? Trying out something new? Asserting yourself? Or perhaps making bold decisions that might make you look like a fool? Are you scared of being heard publicly? Are your actions limited because you fear that you’ll be judged by significant others? No matter what you’re scared of, find comfort in the fact that we all fear changes, beginnings, endings, we fear staying stuck in a situation, rejections, failures, death, and the list goes on. You are not alone in this.
Fear is a fact of life. But how we deal with this fear is what sets our difference to other people. To some, it can be very crippling; it limits one’s potentials that one opt to remain in staying living in the shadows, conforming to societal norms, always avoiding the attention. It is remaining in a 9-5 job, not pursuing their dreams, not putting in any work into their aspirations just so they can be out of the lenses of judgmental people; to be away from rejections.
Most people allow that voice in their heads to have the final say and they listen to its constant nagging: “You can’t do it”, “You will fail and make a fool of yourself”, “It’s just phase and you will quit”, “This is a mistake”, “You are not capable enough”, etc. They just let the fear talk them out of being able to execute their colorful, promising ideas and this further cripple them in making relevant life decisions.
It forces the idea that being comfortable is “enough” and it’s going to be dangerous for the ego if one explore the barriers; not realizing that most of the time, these ‘barriers’ are by-products of a neurotic mind.
Fear keeps one from experiencing life the way he/she wants to experience it.
Most of the time, people fear rejection so much that our initial reaction is to always be on guard and switch on protective mode. As such, we avoid being put into the spotlight, we stutter when we talk to people, we tell ourselves negative statements that ‘we are not smart enough’ ‘we are not good enough’ ‘we will just look like a fool’, etc.
It is important that right now, you acknowledge that fear is limiting you to explore your inner potentials and deters you from turning your dreams into reality.
You know that something needs to change and you want to take the first steps in improving your situation.
Allow me to help by providing you with easy, executable steps to overcome fear and continually work on improving yourself.
Let’s get right to it!
1. Let Go of the Negative Mindset
Fear is more to do with your mindset than the external factor.
You may think you’re running away from a someone who’s trying to kill you, not realizing at that moment that it’s just your own shadow. And once you realize it, you’ll laugh at its stupidity. Although the foundation is very real; the biological changes occur: you perspire, your body is trembling, your heart races, difficult breathing.
You let this fear consume you and it subsequently becomes the core of your being. And most of the time when believing in your suspicions, you fail to look within. You fail to assess yourself, the situation, your inner capabilities and not further question your doubts if they’re valid.
Fear is an epidemic in our society; each human being has to go through it. It is essential that you know that you are incapable in controlling people’s judgments, prejudices, opinions, viewpoints. (We are all unique individuals, with different backgrounds, different upbringings, equipped with most of the time—conflicting views and opinions!) Upon fully coming to embrace this fact, you should be able to let go of the negative mindset and start believing in your capabilities regardless of the outcome or other people’s take in the situation. This information is critical (though it sounds basic), it is extremely vital to remind ourselves this fact each time. There is no confusion to this statement.
Do not underestimate yourself; you have to understand that people have a tremendous capacity to adjust themselves to any situation. So don’t poison yourself that you will not survive a situation, do not poison every experience. Just let go of the negative mindset— detach yourself from constant overthinking. In difficult situations, assure yourself that this too shall pass. Don’t dwell in the obsessive thinking.
Observe your actions, your beliefs, your opinions, and assess if they’re motivated by fear. If you know that they are, let them go immediately. Being mindful is the key.
Out of fear you are not going to grow. You will only shrink and die. Fear is in the service of death-Osho
2. Work on your self confidence
People experience the initial death when they settle in convenience, security, comfortability, and they conform to the society’s norm; living pay cheque to pay cheque, getting by just satisfying the bills; this is a grave-like experience. ‘Just comfortable’ limits us from exploring unchartered lands, not exploring our fullest potentials, and we do everything we can to dodge rejections and judgments by our significant others. This is a pit-fall for people who do not trust in themselves, who constantly doubt their capabilities so they remain in a state of just being comfortable instead of chasing their dreams.
Life is not set— the walks, beliefs, principles… all are abstracts. After all, who holds the truth? These should not be fixed beforehand so allow yourself to let go and trust in your inner nature. Having said, why worry about what’s right or wrong? Instead focus on: What are your motivations? What do you think is your purpose? What’s that itch or calling that never goes away no matter what you do? So long as you are not doing any harm to others, follow it, fearlessly and unapologetically. You don’t owe anyone explanations or answers.
Believe that you have done the best you possibly could, in every situation and no matter what the outcome is, accept, learn from it and let it go. Educate yourself with this learning process and continue to keep betting on yourself. Know that you are on the straight path of greater self-growth, and expect that it will be a long arduous road. Expect road blocks and let them not stop you from going forward.
Write down self positive affirmations on sticky notes and post them all over your bedroom wall. As you get out of bed in the morning, remind yourself that there’s numerous greater things that you can offer! Drown the negative voice in your head that tells you otherwise. Let go of the fear and focus on the excitement to explore your talents. You’ve got nothing to lose but so much to conquer.
Positive changes everything in your life. You are set to attract positive people and greater opportunities in your life. You have to practice positive thinking on a daily basis so you can program your mind and body to receive greater opportunities.
Working on your self confidence does not mean that you should deny pain or sufferings; you have to be aware of them and be able to learn from them. Deal with them each time with a positive approach and with a growth mindset.
3. Say ‘Yes’ to Opportunities
Agree to every opportunity of growth life hands you.
There’s probably numerous opportunities that came our way that we said no to due to our fear of not being ‘smart/good enough’, our fear of rejection that we might fail these people who are showing confidence in us. Why? because we treat fear as a sign of retreat rather than pushing past these illusionary boundaries and moving ahead.
By now, we should know that the right approach is to treat fear as a companion that takes us into different adventures, adventures that allow us to grow in every aspect.
We have to practice saying “Yes!” to every opportunity that promotes self-growth; whether it’s public speaking, a new promising business adventure, opportunity to inspire others with our talent/skill, new job position, new field, and so on. Although, we have to be mindful in assessing these new opportunities and to not allow ourselves be dissuaded by fear.
Practice saying ‘yes’ instantly in every opportunity that comes your way because saying “I will think about it” is most of the time comes down to “I will let my fear get the best out of me so I’m out”.
Write the opportunities down and contemplate on them. Listen to your inner voice and reflect if it is ‘fear’ that deters you from taking the risks. If the opportunity is ‘just good’, you still have to take it and don’t regret spending time on it; remember, you are investing in yourself.
You have to learn to push through fears so you can continually grow and become a better version of yourself.
4. Managing resistance
To many, they allow fear to paralyze them from taking risks thus losing so many opportunities. They think fear only brings panic attacks, anxiety, overthinking—to them, it’s nothing but unpleasant feeling so they avoid the situations/opportunities altogether.
This is why I think it’s very important to educate ourselves and fully understand ‘fear’ and its nature. We have to let go of the emotions that mimics of a child’s and be matured in managing the resistance that’s accompanied by fear.
Every time we feel this resistance suffocating us, we simply remind ourselves that we are not in control of other people’s opinions/views/judgment so regardless of the outcome, we must do it anyway.
It is important that you do not put yourself down in this process, whatever the outcome would be; we all are improving ourselves everyday, every chance we take is a new learning. (This reminds me of a series that I was watching last night; after someone made a mistake, the other person responded “It’s okay, we are all a work in progress”)
This cliché never grows old, and we have to constantly remind ourselves “Nobody is perfect and nothing is”, so be accustomed to that resistance and act on things anyway. Let no one, nothing—not even fear, to stop you.
5. Start Taking Charge of Your life
You should occupy yourself in mapping out your life and in order to be successful in creating a clear vision, you have to not be dissuaded by your fears. (Especially if it comes down to choosing between fulfilling your dreams or staying stuck to your position that does not promote any growth).
Remember that you are the author of your life story; you would not want anyone or circumstances snatch the pen from you and scribble mistakes and rejections all over your book, becoming the core of your life. So learn to take charge of your life—life not governed by fears but by thrill of trying out adventures, exploring boundaries, continually sharing your skills and talents to everyone around you. This is how you attract positive people and outcomes.
If you want to be a writer or an actor, a painter or a dancer, whatever it is… do it. Take steps (even small steps) everyday to make you closer to fulfilling your dreams. 1% closer to becoming the person you want to be, each day.
There’s billions of people in this planet minding about trillion different other things and you think they will exert great efforts to judge the way you live your life? Do you. Chase your dreams fearlessly.
6. Find your Why’s and Discover your Purpose
Overcoming your fears will be determined by how strong your will power is. Which is why it’s very important to know your purpose and your Why’s; why you want to accomplish things, why you want to prove yourself, why you want to be successful in your field, and why you want to fulfill these things so bad. Know the answer to “how complete my life is” and go from there.
Once you have established this foundation, you start executing your plans. Honestly, your fears and doubts will no longer matter if your will power is strong enough and you’re focused in creating results.
Always bet on yourself and feel that burning desire within you; always take actions to making it real. Do not let fear stand in the way between you and the person you are trying to become.
We have to learn to let go of our psychological teddy bears, and know that you are powerful enough to execute your goals, and that you can easily eliminate fears when you trust in yourself and your will power.
You cannot always run away from ropes because you think they’re snakes. You have to be courageous enough to look, assess, identify if your fears/doubts are valid— because most of the time, they are merely illusions, by-products of paranoia.
Do not always be on protective mode; constantly defending your ego and making this as an instinct. This is a mental suicide— there will be no growth if you always live in a dark hole, obsessing that all your actions are being judged, always assuming that you are bound to fail.
I personally believe that there’s a Divine being in each one of us, we need to be in search of it and acknowledge that its creativity is limitless. That each of us can perform astounding beauty and remarkable products! But what blocks us from tapping into it is being consumed by fear and self-doubts.
Let it go. Feel fear, just let it go, and do it. Do it anyway.
I believe in you. Wherever you are in this part of the world; you may be reading this in your bedroom or at school, perhaps at work… there is a reason why you have stumbled upon this material. It’s a calling for you to finally take actions and turn your dreams into reality.
You are beautiful and know that I trust in you; because I know, like me, you want to make difference in this world.
It won’t be long that you’ll realize that you are a firecracker!
You are meant to do brilliant, unbelievable things.
See you on my next blog!